Joysree Dutta :
‘Probha’ – glow or shine in English, is a name which glorifies in itself. She was named perfectly. Academic result, musi , debate , good-looking , organizing ability ….quite handful to name what she did excel at from her childhood.
But fate betrayed by dumping her with no motherly love at her as very early age as 11 years old. Her father left no stone unturned to provide her with all comforts after her mother’s demise!
Along her way of walking in life, ‘Probha’ met a person who she fell in love with and subsequently turned into her soul mate during her graduation.
Years went by for her dreaming of ‘dream to be come true soon’. All she wanted to be an independent, dedicated and flourished professional in her life once she finished her study. But man proposes, God disposes- and Probha , to prove that saying , started her struggling to settle in her new life with the soul mate who was not shining in his profession yet then . Probha , on the other hand , was craving to see herself in a high profiled job using all potential she had all the way through ! The more she was getting impatient, the less she could cope with the pace of her new family life as she conceived while doing her post graduation which she had to drop for one year due to some complicacy. On top of that her husband quit his current job out of his discontentment. Probha found herself a medium caliber job for the time being once the baby was born. She started her evening post-grad course too and her husband planned for entrepreneurship for what Probha backed him generously all along since the commencement hoping that they would make a successful couple in the family and it was happening indeed until the couple had another child next year. Looking after two children was not that easy and smooth for Probha while she secured her one of the finest jobs in place after her outstanding result in post –grad. The husband got engaged in plenty of new deals in new career which already started to soar. Probha was falling behind to meet the work deadline due to stress and lack of energy. She realized that she was failing to carry on both family life and career simultaneously at a well required pace! She resigned the job and decided to be ‘at-home mum’ for the betterment of the family and children above all.
For first couple of years, she was happy about her decisions with no complaints. Years were going round and round when Probha found herself very much of left out at home at some point once everyone else in the family had themselves something to get on , none did have even any time available to thank her for what she was doing round the clock ! She kept herself busy in chores than ever in those days to avoid her isolation; however she would feel to scream deep down her heart and regret for her past decision of quitting career. Probha was getting into more confinement; withdrawing herself from other social activities bit by bit like meeting friends and relatives day by day which led her to severe depression eventually.
Yes, Probha is a name who sacrificed all her glow of life for some thankless, unpaid job in the world!
No wonder ,The household chores are hardly considered as hard working job and more than often left unappreciated by ignoring it as ‘core contribution’ to the family . Why so? It is so, because the women’s contribution to the family is taken for granted. And absence of gratitude, courtesy, recognition, appreciation to the women is obvious where this core contribution is taken for granted!
The average mindset against the contribution is utterly awful. Why are we so mean to acknowledge our women’s contribution that which otherwise we would have been almost hands-on in purchasing the same service from a domestic worker or other available high street service ,such as take way or eat in dinner , laundry , babysitting , nursing , money lending in necessities etc?
We are often generous to ‘thank’ strangers as a gratitude or courtesy gesture even for their as trivial act of kindness as picking up a dropped pen on floor , offering cup of tea , why don’t we then do so to our ‘at-home- hard working -women’ , they are our selfless beloved ones ,right ? Why we do forget that they deserve appreciation and recognition for what they do all their life for the family? Acknowledging their tremendous support and help in terms of spending time , physical ,emotional , educational ,financial, advisory ,professional etc mean huge to them in finding themselves more motivated and dedicated towards their activities , they feel loved and valued in their position as ‘recognition’ works to be a powerful ‘catalyst’ to accelerate their productivity and opens up their potential in large scale .
Moreover, it’s no-brainer that recognition and appreciation benefit mostly the fragile relationship between both recipient and the benefactor by way of thriving of mutual respect, reliance and love to each other.
Having said that , however , showing gratitude or saying just few kind words just for sake of showing or saying is not enough to hold or rebuild the relationship ;it has to be sincere act of genuine gratitude by all means , so that they can feel from heart that their investment to family is not barren at all!
We should not hesitate or be over cautious of our ego to express our heartfelt gratitude saying ‘ I wouldn’t be here today or this successful without your support../you gave tremendous effort for our family …/ Iam so grateful to you /proud of your contribution ….’etc. Because it is no less than any important to let them know of the great ‘’impact’’ of their contribution in pursuit of our success or progress! Needless to refute that valuing their contribution tends to boost up their confidence and self esteem throughout.
To the contrary , many a times , we come across some partners /spouses to be egoistic in expressing their gratitude to wife/spouse in public while situation arises, appreciate at home though ,whereas the other types just show off their vanity and con their spouses/partners in front of others while have no real feelings for wives/spouses ! Both types are highly unlikely to fetch any benefit towards this genuine noble purpose. It’s of no use until and unless we are sincere and brave enough to express it our spouses regardless of time, situation, place or audiences! Giving out the recognition and acknowledgement is not going to rob us, because it belongs to that person who actually owns by way of hardworking! We should not be shy or lazy to deliver the reward at the time when someone earns it. Notwithstanding, the approval of choosing the way of life from the family members , recognition to her choice is crucial to reinforce her energy and motivation in what she does .
Sometimes some people will hold us back from doing the right thing ,such as tempting the husband in holding or building up his over inflated ego in a more so called ‘masculine personality’ ,so that the husband wont appreciate his wife ! But as responsible caring human beings, should we fall for their words? If I were there , I wouldn’t fall for their words, and rather would treat those critiques as ‘villains’ who help to soar the climax in the story , in absence of whom we could not have finished our journey ‘ happily ever after’ .
Tell your women that they are the main actors under the spotlight, then we will see, eventually no PROBHA will end up in suffering from deep depression for her ‘thankless and unpaid off’ contribution!
(The writer is currently working as Licensed paralegal ( NALP -National Association of Licensed Paralegals) in FAS legals ,London .She also works for British Red Cross (Volunteer Facilitator and Case worker for refugees) and has previously worked for VICTIM SUPPORT charity as volunteer in SEVENOAKS MAGISTRATE COURT ,KENT.
The writer is Passionate about law, human rights, amateur photography , gardening ,cooking and loves to read variety of articles from different range , listen music and enjoy art and culture .
The writer is a believer of evidence and logic, and not myth and fallacy.)