Honesty they say is the best policy!
While many would agree, I would like to differ. You see, honesty is difficult to follow, especially in this new era of social media and open relationships. While I really love and enjoy spending time on ‘Facebook’ that is one medium that exaggerates anything remotely lifelike. We all have dual personalities on fb, sharing only the best of the best, sometimes, we are not even a part of it. I think in some small way, it helps us live out our fantasy or at least create an image that we are happy, successful and most of all, popular. The internet has become a trusted source for all types of solutions;purely based on personal experiences. Yet that does not deter us from blindly following advice, shared by people who have experienced the same situations, in our personal relationships, child rearing, and even health. However, we forget that those conditions are not conducive to everyone to the same extent. Lifestyles, culture, geography of a region, social status and so many other factors, all prove that no solution can be the same for two people. We have all become ‘internet doctors’ in some way or the other.
All of us want to be happy. All of us want good things in our lives, materialistic, people, no tensions or stress and most of all that special someone who we can say is ‘mine’. For different people this can mean different things. For some it is a parent (those who have lost their own), for some a child (unable to have their own), for some a good friend (someone who believes in them and with whom they can be themselves) and then there are those who need a partner, a companion, a spouse (to make their lives complete).
While I have my opinions on all these people, here I am going to focus on how we go about achieving that happiness.
Each to his own, definitely but in the process, we forget the basic rule of any relationship… the truth.
We do not like to face reality. We pretend that everything will be alright in the end. We believe what others tell us. We follow advice blindly.
We run from the truth.
I too have done the very same thing. Not once, but many times. And in the end, I realized that I was hurting myself. I was putting my life on hold, just because I could not accept the truth about what was really happening.
We fantasize about the perfect bond, not knowing that we are trying desperately to mold ourselves into what the other person is looking for, or make situations conducive to getting our way. We change and behave in a manner that is attractive, showing a different side of who we really are. We start to wear numerous masks.
Early in relationships, we try to impress people by putting on a facade that doesn’t really stand the test of time in the long run. I have seen too many times, people constantly complaining “you were not like this when I met you”.
Why then do we need to impress? Can we not just be who we are? Say what we want? Do what we want? Shouldn’t people like us for ourselves rather than who we are not?
It is very easy to say these words. But, out of experience, personally, I find that no one likes to be told the truth. They would rather live in ignorance than know reality. I have on many occasions been accused of being ‘negative’. My fault, I pointed out facts and the bitter truth. I have found very few people actually respect a frank person, and you can count them on one hand!
Sometimes, our decisions and choices, are not really good for us or for those around us. However, to prove a point, or to build our ego and save our face, we go along with it, searching in every nook and corner to prove that we have made the right choice. Unfortunately, in the bargain, we end up sacrificing, compromising and living in regret. By this time we are too late to make changes and so, we look for other ways to compensate.
Fear of being a failure, fear of being rejected, fear of not living up to expectations, and most of all, the fear of being alone are the main catalysts that prevent us from accepting or acknowledging the truth. We fight to prove that our decisions are right, even when we are faced with obvious signs of difference. We fear losing out on the opportunity to fulfil our desires, our dreams, our wishes, and falsely believe that we will never get another opportunity again. We give in to temptations, we ignore emotions, we disconnect from well-wishers, all in the name of removing negativity from our lives. Societal pressure often raises its ugly head to prevent us from going against norms. We start believing in oft repeated taunts, reminders of what others feel is good for us.
Does this help? Sometimes yes but most times No!
I have learnt that if I face up to the truth of a situation, I am better equipped to handle it. I don’t live in denial but make conscious efforts to change things around. I have learnt to accept what can and cannot be in my life. I have learnt to accept that I have certain limitations and maybe I am not able to give as much as is necessary to achieve the happiness I want. I will not compromise or sacrifice. Both these actions bring in disillusion and disappointment and a constant regret for things to be different. I miss out on enjoying the present.
I don’t measure my life by those around me, the society or my age. I believe, no two people are the same and their life paths are different as well. I believe, I just need to live according to my standards, my level of social standing and of course my personal ability. I have learnt that I cannot make everyone happy. I have learnt that I should not even try to make everyone happy. I have learnt that I should just be true to who and what I am, accept what is and count my blessings.
I may have lost the one true love of my life, but no one can take that away from me. My love remains no matter what.
And that is the truth!
Michelle is a communication consultant for over 11 years, Michelle’s passion for knowledge sharing makes sure she keeps herself updated with the latest trends and techniques in the training field. A strong believer in the sanctity of relationships, she shares her experiences on social media and in her blogs.